. We all
know who the office tyrant is, whose territory is littered with corpses
and marked with angry growls, expletives, invective language and acerbic
memos.
All these signify the domain upon which the wary tread gently and the
uninformed stumble dangerously.
Either the indignant official, disapproving parent or outraged executive
are behavioural hallmarks of the tyrant who often wins through fear,
threat and bluster.
But, in the end, no-one wins when the savage beast is loose, least of
all the beast.
However, the dilemma is what to do with the tyrant.
Venturing into the den can be as fearful for CEOs as it is for staff,
particularly when the tyrant represents a hefty investment in years
and income and who also has strong "political" affiliations within an
organisation.
We all know that some-one, anyone, must do more than simple bell the
cut.
A tune needs to be sung to the savage beast and, even better, it should
be tamed.
Three case scenarios might be of interest.
One was a senior executive who included the "magic word" when giving
feedback. Another often threatened to sack or end the life of perpetrators
of minor indiscretions, whilst still another played disapproving parent
scolding wayward children.
The cause may change and the excuse may be disguised by a dedication
to professionalism or focus on quality, but an angry response is always
linked with fear for oneself.
So, the tyrant yells when toe job does not go right, the perfectionist
threatens and the disapproving parent uses emotional blackmail to force
the action they want, or prevent similar occurrences happening again.
In each case, the first step is to remember the behavioural trigger.
This does not mean the event,
which is a the activating event. The key is to understand the emotion
and in all cases it was fear - whenever you see a fight (or flight)
response you can be sure that fear is the trigger.
In handling the "difficult cases" passed to us, we followed the "Dalai"
LAMA Method
- Listening, Acknowledgment, Mentoring, and Action Planning.
So,
the first step was to "hear" the tyrant …. really hear!
In your organisation, that means, a senior person listening to the tyrant
and communicating what has been heard.
This will do two things:
1. it will model forgiveness (but not necessarily acceptance) of
failure/indiscretions which will always reduce a climate of fear; and
2. it will acknowledge the validity of the concern which will empower
and strengthen the tyrant, who will consequently feel less afraid and
so less likely to attack.
Acknowledgment
was a critical step because it involved reflecting on successes and
occasions when the outburst was withheld, which built a basis of success
- a strong foundation for building change. Mentoring involved jointly
developing :
1. action plans for
preventing recurrence of the activating event;
2. discussing occasions when similar feelings were shared;
3. restating the behavioural parameters and expectations of the role,
position and organisational style; and
4. modelling alternative outlooks and responses.
Action
Planning meant jointly creating circuit breakers that were put in place
between the activating event and outburst, plus incentives for change
and when and how they are given.
In two out of three cases, these strategies worked very well.
In one case, all these soft skills went only so far because the fear
and behavioural patterns were deeply entrenched.
So, we added CWIT Face - Cold Water in the Face.
This meant during one session we added a discussion about the consequences
of repeating the offending behaviour.
Of course, the fear level went up again but, any truly effective Mentoring
also involves reality testing.
In this instance, the shock was enough to cause a halt, rethink and
gave breathing space for a new behavioural pattern to become established.
ends
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